By Norma Zager
“One may smile, and smile, and be a villain!” William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Evil dictatorship is a great business.
You can’t lose for winning.
I know the world is falling apart and I should be thinking of ways to jump in and hold it up on the sides, but…
With so many Americans out of work, I feel compelled to do my best to provide aid and comfort to all those who hoped for change and instead got change with no hope.
It has occurred to me on this historic day when Muammar Gaddafi, yet another despot is brought to his knees, that perhaps there is a great job out there of which no one is availing himself. Yes indeed, evil dictatoring is one great career choice.
The perks are extraordinary. I am surprised so many more have not sought this lucrative employment.
The money is astounding. Wealth and fortune beyond all comprehension can be yours.
This fact did not escape the rulers of the past, including the royal family of England that murdered other family members to secure the crown.
There was more treachery in old England than on the set of the Housewives of New York City. Lots of intermarriage too, which does explain a great deal.
Being a ruler is, of course, risky, even for those who may be popular.
Et tu Brute? comes to mind.
Although the job may last a shorter time than anticipated, the money is well worth it, if you escape with your life. The pension is phenomenal, even without a union negotiating.
Papa Doc stole so much American money, he couldn’t resist coming back after the last earthquake to grab a few more handfuls from the piggy bank full of cash Americans sent to Haiti.
By the way, anyone seen that money? The people of Haiti never got any, that’s for sure. Their lifestyle hasn’t improved anymore than Obama’s approval numbers.
Of course the supreme example would be Kim Jong Il, the feisty, evil, vertically challenged munchkin who has perfected extortion to the hilt.
Whenever he runs short of cash, he just sets off a missile and Hilary mails him a hefty check.
Hitler must have been really stupid. He didn’t have to go to war. Everyone would have handed him money had he known how to exploit his situation. The more popular an evil dictator, the more money you can command.
Right now in Somalia hundreds of thousands of children are dying. Yet the world is focused on old Muammar. Why?
I think most people are curious about where he will flee with the dough. Where will he buy a fabulous compound and spend the rest of his days living in a state of royal splendor?
I hear Switzerland is still welcoming anyone with a suitcase full of cash.
Escaping to a country that will take you in is one way to enjoy your retirement.
Another option is to keep your money and stay in power. Even after Muammar murdered Americans on Pan Am, one call, he said he was sorry and the oil companies went running there with cash.
One little offer to play nice and Hilary will rush over hauling loot faster than a big ten school recruiting a seven-foot-400-pound high school football fullback.
The U.S. loves to give away money. Need a check? Call Uncle Sam. Got oil? Call the Seven Sisters.
Sounds good except for the fact that millions of unemployed Americans have now run out their benefits. Lunch for poor children here, sorry kitchen is closed. Oh well, can’t give it to Americans when some evil dictator may need that money. After all, prime European real estate does not come cheap.
If we just had the money back that dictators have received from America, we could pay off our national debt ten times and build great schools for our kids.
Maybe even pay teachers what they deserve. What a concept.
Could someone please tell the morons in Congress they are not Santa Claus to the evil of world.
But I digress, although bashing Congress is always so enjoyable.
Perhaps more people don’t become evil dictators because it is so difficult to find those good openings.
There are no ads in the New York Times, I have checked.
The Internet sites that feature employment have no postings for any evil dictators.
Where do you go to get this plum job? Is there a hotline, 1-800-666 EVIL?
Another perk? If you manage to avoid getting killed by your people, retirement is sweet.
Sort of like the Godfather when Don Corleone survives numerous murder attempts and dies in his tomato garden playing with his grandson. Who wouldn’t want to die that way? Idyllic. I know saints that didn’t drop dead so peacefully.
Why shouldn’t Muammar look forward to the same fate when so many other evil dictators have lived out their lives in sublime luxury?
I am now going to change into my swami costume, pull out my crystal ball and make a prediction.
The spirits are near, I can hear them and they are talking. Wait, it is clear now. They are saying that soon Bashar al-Assad of Syria will call Hilary. Yes, I see it now. She is carrying a big Chanel bag she uses for money drops and boarding a plane for Syria.
No wait, she is handing the money to Jimmy Carter. Yes, he is taking it there. He wants to hand it to his friend personally.
It’s getting foggy now, but wait, I see, Syria is rich and powerful again and yes, Assad is still in power. He is talking to his aide.
He says he has his eye on a palace in Gstaad. “Yes,” he is telling him. “Pay in cash, then call my friend Jimmy….”
If all else fails, and all openings are filled, there is always the Secretary General of the United Nations.